


Run To You

by thequietrecluse



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 2ji friendship, 97 98 99 line are students, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, Running Away, both literally and metaphorically, jihoon is a music teacher by day and an online producer by night, jihoon's an expert at denying and escaping, joshua is an english teacher, jun is a famous actor, some pristin appearances, theres so much angst I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-05-31 13:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15120578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequietrecluse/pseuds/thequietrecluse
Summary: Two years ago, Jihoon left Jun alone in a cold apartment and boarded a plane for the US.Two years ago, Jihoon did everything to erase Jun out of his life.Two years later, fate brings Jun back into his life.





	1. started running, just like my heart

**Author's Note:**

> So... this was supposed to be a oneshot (those of you who follow me on twitter might have seen me tweet about it) but I realized about a quarter of the way through that it made more sense for it to be a chaptered fic.
> 
> I'm hoping it will be between 5-7 chapters, but the last time I said that, I was very much wrong, so... we'll see!

Jihoon idly flipped through music scores as his students came in, talking animatedly with each other as they came in. He absentmindedly listened to the sounds of cases opening and instruments being assembled and strings accidentally being played as the instruments were being lifted.

“Alright, let’s begin,” Jihoon said as soon as everyone finished tuning their instruments and settled into their seats. “Let’s start with the Chopin piece.” He waited for everyone to pull out the sheet music before raising the baton. “One, two, three, four…”

             

 

 

“Mingyu, I think you came in early at measure 17, be careful of that,” Jihoon listed. “Minghao, a little lighter on the cymbals, you’re overpowering Chan’s part. Seokmin, please stop bouncing in your seat when you’re not playing, it’s distracting, and you will _not_ be allowed to do that at the concert.” He stared at the sheet music for a few moments before finally sighing. “Alright, let’s take a break. Be back in your seats in ten minutes!” He shouted at the juniors he’d just been yelling at as they sprinted out of their seats.

As he went through the score and marked troublesome passages, he heard one of the sophomores, Seungkwan, shriek. “Oh my god!” He yelled. “Kimbap be kidding?”

“What is it, Seungkwan?” Vernon asked, turning from where he was talking to Chan.

“Jun’s been casted as the lead in _No End to Your Road_!” The pianist cheered.

Jihoon’s heart clenched and he froze, eyes now blankly staring at the sheet music as memories swept through his brain.

“Jun? Who’s Jun?” Chan asked.

Vernon rolled his eyes. “He’s a Chinese actor who’s really popular,” he informed the younger. “Seungkwan’s obsessed with him.”

“ _Everyone_ should be obsessed with him!” Seungkwan retorted, indignant. “He’s the best quality! He’s popular in most of Asia and he’s gotten a lot of awards at award shows! He’s fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean _and_ English, and he’s learning Japanese now, so he’s super smart! Plus, he’s super handsome, like a guy right out of a shoju manga! And now he’s starring in a Hollywood movie! That’s an amazing accomplishment! He’s the man I aspire to be!”

_That **is** amazing,_ Jihoon thought numbly. _Looks like he’s been accomplishing a lot since I’ve been gone._

“How old is he?” Chan asked, looking a little skeptical. “If he’s done all that, then he has to be in his late thirties, early forties.”

“That’s the best part!” Seungkwan grinned, happy that someone was interested in the actor for once. “He’s only 25! He was a really popular child actor, and he moved to Korea to do some k-dramas when he was, like, fourteen.”

_Sixteen,_ Jihoon elaborated in his head. _He was sixteen when he moved to Korea._

“Man, he’s probably around Mr. Lee’s age,” Chan noted.

Jihoon could feel their stares turn to him, and it made him want to snap. _This is why I left,_ he wanted to yell. _I knew I wouldn’t ever compare to him._

“Weird,” Vernon shivered. “Can you imagine? There are tons of people our age who are much more talented than us. Like, musicians, actors, scientists, entrepreneurs, that kind of thing. There’s always someone who’s better than us.”

There was a long pause as the three students thought about it. Behind them, Jihoon stared listlessly at his sheet music as suppressed memories threatened to break to the surface.

“Yeah, that’s weird,” Seungkwan agreed.

 

 

 

“Hey, I brought lunch,” Joshua greeted as he walked into the music room.

“Thank god, I’m starving,” Jihoon said, grabbing one of the bags. “I’ve been working on my other stuff during my free periods, and I haven’t had time to eat.”

“You really need to take better care of yourself,” Joshua chided disapprovingly. “Don’t think I don’t know about those late-night meals you’ve been having.”

“Food tastes better at midnight,” he proclaimed, taking a big bite of his food.

“You’re 25 and you still eat like a college student,” Joshua rolled his eyes. “Soon that’s gonna catch up to you.”

“I’ll take care of it when the time comes,” Jihoon said.

Before Joshua could say anything, his phone chimed. Glancing at his phone, Jihoon saw a notification from his Kakao app.

**Soonyoung: Jun called and asked about you. Sounded drunk. Just thought I’d let you know.**

Jihoon sighed and swiped the notification away.

Reading his expression, Joshua said, “Jun stuff again, huh.”

“Yeah.” Jihoon picked at his food, stuck between wanting to eat and the rolling feeling of apprehension in his stomach. “Some of the kids in the ensemble were talking about him. Apparently, he’s got a huge role in some Hollywood movie.”

“And it made you think of bad stuff?” the older asked.

He shook his head. “No, not really… _bad_ stuff,” he began. “Just… memories.”

“Do you still miss him?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

Joshua sighed, leaning closer to the younger. “Jihoon, it’s been almost two years.”

Jihoon dropped his head into his hands. “I know,” he said tightly, “but at the same time, I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore. If I close my eyes, I can still see everything from that night.”

 

_“Jihoonie,” Jun began, glancing quickly behind him. “I think someone’s following us.”_

_“What do you mean?” Jihoon asked, glancing at the rearview mirror. There was a car behind him, yes, but he didn’t see anything suspicious about it._

_“That’s because you can’t see the person in the passenger seat aiming a massive camera at us,” he said. Jihoon took a longer glance in the rearview mirror to find that, yes, the passenger was aiming a massive camera at them. “I think they saw me get into your car. I’m sorry, Jihoonie.”_

_“Don’t apologize,” he scowled. “It’s their fault for being invasive fuckers.” After a few moments, he sighed. “I guess we can’t go home, then.”_

_“But if we go somewhere public, they’ll tail us and figure out we’re dating,” Jun worried, glancing at the side mirrors. “Maybe we should head back to my place instead.”_

_“I know you’ve been looking forward to spending the weekend at my place,” Jihoon retorted. “Look, I’ll try to shake them off, and then we’ll head back to my apartment.”_

“Jihoon,” Joshua said quietly, “you know the accident wasn’t your fault, right?”

“I wish it was,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’m the one who hurt him.”

 

_“Are they still following us?” Jihoon asked curtly, weaving in and out of cars as quickly as he could._

_“No,” Jun said, glancing back again. “I think we lost them.”_

_“Good,” Jihoon breathed as he got into the left turning lane and slowed to a stop at the red light._

_They turned to look at each other, finally in disbelief at what they’d actually done. “Oh my god,” Jun laughed, hand coming up to cover his mouth. “Did we actually?”_

_Jihoon let out a few tired chuckles, turning back to face the road. “I can’t believe we just did that. And didn’t get arrested.”_

_Jun leaned over to give Jihoon an exuberant kiss on the cheek. “Honestly, I’m also surprised we didn’t get pulled over,” he agreed. “If we had, though, do you think I would’ve been able to charm the police officer into letting us go?”_

_“I think you could have gotten us a police escort back to our place if you really wanted to,” the younger shook his head as the light turned green._

_He was in the middle of turning when Jun yelled, “Jihoon!”_

_Jihoon turned his head just to see a bright pair of headlights illuminating Jun’s figure as it headed straight for him._

“The guy told police officers that he didn’t see that the light had turned red,” Joshua insisted. “There was nothing you could have done.”

“I should’ve just taken Jun back to his apartment,” Jihoon disagreed. “It was the easiest option.”

The older shook his head. “The easiest, yes, but you said it yourself; Jun hated his apartment. You chose his happiness over convenience.”

“And how did that end? With Jun in the hospital,” Jihoon retorted bitterly.

“It was just a broken arm,” Joshua said softly. “Everyone breaks their arm at some point.”

 “It was more than just a broken arm, Joshua.” Jihoon argued. “It was a wakeup call. I finally realized I would never fit in his world. I was holding Jun back from pursuing his passion. Me leaving would just help him realize that too, and then he could focus on what’s really important. It looks like he has.”

Joshua sighed. “I wish you could forgive yourself, Jihoon,” he said. “At least so that you could move on.”

“You and me both,” Jihoon said resignedly.

 

 

 

Jihoon wasn’t going to work on his music tonight. Some of his followers would be upset if he didn’t have anything at the end of the week, but they would survive.

Taking a deep breath, Jihoon pulled up a familiar number and called.

After a few moments, there was a click, and Soonyoung’s face appeared on his computer screen. “Jihoonie!” He squealed loudly, making him wince.

“Hello, Soonyoung,” He sighed. The man was as energetic as always. “How are you? How’s the dance studio?”

“Good and good,” The other grinned. “My senior class won a huge dance competition last week, so I’ve been basking in their glory.”

“Congrats,” Jihoon nodded. “About… Jun, though…”

Soonyoung’s face turned serious. “Yeah, he called around seven last night. Asked me if you had come around recently or talked to him or anything. He was _really_ drunk, Jihoon. He was slurring really badly, and he kept taking long pauses to think his words through and some of his words didn’t make sense.”

“I see.” Jihoon didn’t know how to respond to that. “Did… did you hear about the new movie’s he’s in?”

“That big Hollywood one?” Soonyoung clarified. Jihoon nodded. “Yeah, I did. I asked him about it too, but he didn’t really seem to hear me. Just wanted to talk about you.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what to think. The last time he… saw Jun, the actor had been determined to get to Hollywood. _No End to Your Road_ would be a major step in the right direction, so why was Jun so focused on someone who left _him?_

“You gonna be okay, Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked, voice soft.

“I don’t know, Soonyoung,” he sighed. “Jun’s always wanted to go to Hollywood. I don’t understand why he’s so hung up on me right now.”

“Maybe you mean more,” the dancer shrugged. “Maybe he needs closure. Maybe he _thinks_ he’s moved on, but he subconsciously misses you. Who knows? Jun’s always had a weird thought process.”

“I’ve always been able to read him,” Jihoon retorted.

Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “Well, _duh._ Who dated him: you or me? Of course you’re able to read him, you guys dated for what, three years?”

“Y-yeah,” Jihoon sighed, glancing down again. _Dated. Past tense. Their relationship was in Jun’s past… **He** was Jun’s past._

“You okay, Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked, looking concerned. “Did I say something wrong? I thought… I thought you moved on, Jihoon.”

For the second time that day (or first time, depending on how you looked at it) Jihoon dropped his head in his hands. “News flash, I thought I did too,” he said weakly. “I mean, I was the one who left, wasn’t I?”

 

 

 

Jihoon woke up even grumpier than yesterday, leaving Joshua to shake his head sadly as he set a plate of breakfast in front of him. “Do you want me to call you in sick?” He asked.

The younger shook his head as he started to eat. “No, I’ll deal.”

“Okay,” Joshua relented easily, heading to his room. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

 

 

 

Jihoon was in a much better mood by the time ensemble class started. He had something to distract him now, something to focus on.

“Before we begin, I have an announcement,” Jihoon said when everyone was seated. “We have qualified for the city music festival.”

Everyone cheered loudly. Some people even waved their instruments around, to Jihoon’s irritation (he really didn’t want a repeat of last time.) He had to smack the podium with his pencil several times before the class quieted again. “We will be performing two pieces, one classical piece and one contemporary piece. It’s a two-day event, with rehearsals the night before the festival, so we will be staying in a hotel overnight.” More cheers. “I will be handing out permission slips at the end of class, turn those in by next week. I need to know who’s coming and who’s not in case I need to rearrange parts.”

“Mr. Lee, which pieces are we doing?” Seokmin asked eagerly.

“I’ll pick our best two pieces after today, so do your best, okay? Let’s treat this like a rehearsal.” When he looked around, he saw the determined and focused look in their eyes. They clearly wanted to do their best. He couldn’t help but smile. No matter how grumpy he was, he couldn’t deny that he had a good group of kids. They were certainly better than some of the kids Joshua complained about.

“Alright, let’s begin.”

 

 

 

“That’s awesome, Jihoon!” Joshua grinned when Jihoon told him the news at lunch.

“It would be great if we win something,” Jihoon said. “I know the competition’s tough, but I think we could do it.”

Joshua nodded. “If anyone could do it, it’s you,” he agreed.

“Oh, one more thing,” Jihoon remembered suddenly. “I’m definitely going to need some help with the kids. Do you want to be a chaperone? I know you aren’t a music teacher, but you have a strong music background, and I think I’ll really need you with me, in case I accidentally kill a kid.”

The older laughed. “I don’t think you would kill a kid,” he said, “but point taken. I’ll come with, if only to keep you sane.”

Jihoon grinned at Joshua, who immediately returned it. He was so lucky to have someone like Joshua in his life, to keep him from spiraling down the pit of despair when he’d first moved to the US. He made sure he got a good night’s rest. He made sure Jihoon was ready for work every morning. He kept Jihoon company when he needed it most.

Most importantly, Joshua kept him from missing Jun more than he already did.


	2. I woke up from thinking of you

With all the work that came with organizing an overnight field trip, preparing an ensemble for a concert and a music festival, teaching other music classes, and producing music for his SoundCloud account, Jihoon had no time to even think about Jun. It was a whirlwind of stress and pressure and always needing to do something that only let up when Jihoon was on the school bus, taking attendance while every student tried to make themselves comfortable without jostling any of the carefully placed instrument cases.

“Alright, that’s everyone,” Jihoon said finally. “A few things before we head out. Remember that this is a field trip, not a vacation. That means you still need to follow school policies. I can still give you detention if you don’t follow the rules. If you’re especially bad, I can, and I will, call your parents and have them pick you up, and trust me, neither of us,” he gestured between him and Joshua, who was next to him, “want to do that. You guys represent the school at this festival. Let’s not get the reputation of being wild and uncontrollable, or we won’t do this again next year. Understood?”

Everyone nodded.

“I emailed all of you the schedule for the next two days. If you don’t have it, get it from someone who does. I expect all of you to have read it and downloaded it by the time we get to the hotel. We will not take any excuse for being out past curfew or going anywhere you shouldn’t.” Jihoon sighed and gave his students a firm look. “Basically, act like decent, responsible human beings and everything will be okay. If you guys are exceptionally good, I might even throw you guys a pizza party after the concert.” Everyone cheered, making Jihoon roll his eyes. “Alright, alright, everyone be quiet! If you need anything on the ride into the city, ask Mr. Hong. Don’t bother me.”

Everyone laughed loudly as Jihoon turned to face the front and slumped into his seat, leaning his head against the side of the bus and closing his eyes. “I hate having to be an adult.”

Joshua laughed. “You did well, though,” he said reassuringly, patting the younger’s shoulder. “I’m sure no one will act up now, not when you bribed them with pizza.”

“It’s how I get anything done with them,” he sighed.

Finally able to relax and lulled by the rocking of the bus, Jihoon fell asleep.

 

 

_“C’mon, it wasn’t **that** bad,” Junhui whined pathetically as he and Jihoon cleaned their classroom. “I thought my character was cool, at least.”_

_“Really, though—vampires?” Jihoon scoffed, glaring at a particularly tough stain on one of the desks. “I don’t understand why people are so interested in mythical creatures that literally feed on humans to survive.”_

_“Because that’s what makes it forbidden, Jihoonie,” The taller turned to give him an earnest grin. “It’s like Romeo and Juliet, except more star-crossed than a stupid feud.”_

_“And with the potential to be ten times more violent,” he rolled his eyes. “Seriously, though, I don’t get why people always want something that’s not always best for them. People shouldn’t want things—or people—that can put them in danger.”_

_Junhui stopped cleaning, an introspective look on his face. “I think it’s because they want something that makes them happy. If someone makes them genuinely happy, even if their… worlds don’t exactly fit together, then why can’t they be together?”_

_“Because you can’t have the best of both worlds, Jun,” Jihoon sighed. “It never works out like that.”_

_Jihoon watched bitterly as Jun carefully wrapped his jacket around the girl before grasping her shoulders gently. “Take care of yourself. If Hyunseop keeps giving you trouble, you tell me, okay?”_

_She smiled softly back. “Okay, oppa.”_

_He grinned down at her before kissing her forehead. “Goodnight.”_

_They shared a long, tender moment before the girl pulled away to walk into her apartment building. Jun looked in her direction long after she’d disappeared, an adoring expression on his face. Jihoon’s stomach churned._

_“And… **cut!** ” The director yelled, startling Jihoon out of his misery. “That looks good! We’re done for tonight, I’ll see you all tomorrow!”_

_Jun and the girl, who had come back out, both bowed. “Thank you for your hard work!” They shouted in unison._

_Before Jun could even look for Jihoon, the girl hooked her arm around one of his. “Good job today, oppa,” she said. “ **I** almost believed you during that last scene! I have a feeling all the female viewers are going to fall in love with you!”_

_The taller chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know about that, really…”_

_She smacked his shoulder, harshly if Jun’s wincing was any indication. Jihoon bristled. Who was she to hit his friend-maybe-more-than-friend so hard? “Don’t be silly!” She scolded lightly. “You really are an amazing actor, oppa. I think you could become famous around the world someday.”_

_Jun looked away shyly, only to make eye contact with Jihoon. His face brightened. “Jihoonie!” He called, breaking free of the girl to jog to his side. “What did you think? Pretty cool being on set, huh?”_

_“It’s okay,” Jihoon shrugged. “A lot different when you’re behind the camera.”_

_The girl interjected, having caught up to them. “Yeah, the editing makes everything look more magical, doesn’t it?” She grinned before bowing. “Hello, my name is Xiyeon. I’m Jun’s costar in this drama.”_

_He bowed. “Lee Jihoon. I’m Jun’s friend.”_

_Her face lit up in recognition. “Oh, you’re Jihoon! Jun-oppa talks a lot about you. It almost feels like I know you, Jihoon-sshi.” She giggled._

_Jihoon was confused. Jun talked about him a lot… to his costar? That was a little strange, even for Jun. What could he have so much to talk about with her? “Uh…”_

_Probably sensing his confusion and hesitation, Xiyeon continued, “well, I gotta go. It was nice meeting you, Jihoon-sshi, and I’ll see you tomorrow, Jun-oppa!” With a grin, the girl turned and walked away, Jihoon still staring in confusion after her._

_Jun grinned at Jihoon’s bewildered expression. “Don’t worry, Xiyeon always comes off strong. We’re in the same company, so I see her a lot.”_

_Without thinking, Jihoon blurted out, “is it weird kissing her?” At Jun’s questioning look, he blushed and added, “you know, because you’re technically coworkers, or something…”_

_“Not really,” Jun said, to the younger’s dismay. “I mean, it **is** a little weird because she’s five years younger than me and she feels more like my sister, but that’s part of acting. You do sometimes have to kiss people who feel more like siblings than romantic interests, but you have to make it believable anyway.”_

_“That still sounds tough,” Jihoon commented, his voice weak, though he doesn’t want to acknowledge why._

_“That’s not the hard part,” Jun replied, voice deceptively light._

_“Then what is?”_

_“Knowing who likes you for you,” the older said, no longer looking at Jihoon. “The entertainment industry is cutthroat, Jihoonie. With tough competitions for a limited number of roles, you don’t really have the choice of dropping a job because you don’t like your coworkers. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. It’s not easy to find genuine relations, whether they’re actors, fans, or directors. Finding people in the industry like Xiyeon, who will tell you to your face if they like you or not without sabotaging or manipulating you first, are rare.” Jun takes a deep breath before locking gazes with Jihoon, a powerful look in his eyes. “Finding people like you, Jihoon, who will stand by me no matter what, who will never see me any differently if I were an actor or an ordinary college student, and who will care more about my wellbeing than a thousand of my ‘adoring’ fans, is even rarer.”_

_Jun leaned down to place a soft kiss on Jihoon’s forehead. “So please don’t leave me, Jihoonie.”_

_“I don’t think I could handle it.”_

 

 

“Jihoon? Jihoon?”

“Jun, please… don’t.” _He doesn’t understand,_ Jihoon thought miserably. _I’m bringing him down._

“Jun? Jihoon, c’mon, wake up, you’re scaring me!”

_What?_

“Jihoon, it’s Joshua, you’re on a school bus, and we’re going to arrive soon, I need you to wake up!”

Slowly, Jihoon opened his eyes, taking in the gray back of the seat in front of him and the loud and oblivious chatter of his students before turning to meet Joshua’s panicked eyes. “Joshua.”

“Fuck,” Joshua whispered, making Jihoon’s eyes widen. Joshua never cursed at school. He was too professional for that. “You scared the living shit out of me, you know that? I couldn’t wake you up and it looked like you were having a nightmare.”

Did it really look like that? Nothing in his dreams was genuinely terrifying. It was just restating his reasons for leaving. Why did it look like Jihoon was suffering when he had made the right choice?

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Jihoon stammered, still disoriented. “I didn’t mean to.”

The older rolled his eyes, exasperated. “Of course you didn’t,” he said as the bus rolled to a stop. “You don’t intentionally have nightmares. Now c’mon, we have thirty high school students to take care of.”

Jihoon groaned mentally as he stood up. Today was going to be a long day.

 

 

 

After they checked in, Jihoon and Joshua let the students bring their stuff into their assigned rooms before getting them back on the bus to head to their scheduled rehearsal time. The entire drive there, Jihoon felt tense. He hadn’t thought of Jun in weeks, why did he come up now? Why had his dream not included any memories from when they were dating? And why _those_ memories in particular? What importance did a conversation about vampires have to his relationship with Jun?

If his students noticed how out of it he was throughout their entire rehearsal, they didn’t mention it. They were, however, extremely well behaved, quickly calling out their own mistakes and working together to create a flawless performance that would make Mr. Lee and their school proud.

If Jihoon had been more focused, he would’ve teared up. As it was, though, he almost floated through rehearsals and the dinner and the trip back to the hotel, like a ghost who hadn’t quite realized he was dead.

When he finally came to, he was lying in bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling, something running through his hair. Turning, he saw Joshua leaning against the headboard, one hand scrolling through his phone while the other carded through his hair.

The older glanced down at him, and upon seeing Jihoon staring up at him, shot him a soft smile. “You’re back. We were worried about you.”

“We?” Jihoon asked, voice weak.

“Yeah, we,” Joshua affirms. “A lot of the students came up to me and asked if you were okay. I just said you were having an off day and you would feel better tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” Jihoon sighed, leaning into Joshua’s hand. “Sorry for being so out of it.”

“I’ll admit it was a little scary to watch,” the older said quietly. “You looked… dead. Like you’d lost everything and was just going through the motions.”

“I know,” he glanced away. “Today’s just been a bad day.”

“Is… is it because of Jun?” Jihoon flinched. Joshua let out a sigh. “Jihoon, you need to make a decision. Either you stay here and try to move on or you leave and try to get Jun back. You can’t stay here but wish you were somewhere else.”

Jihoon refused to look at Joshua, even though every word he said was true.

“Until you figure out what you want to do, you’ll always be stuck in this limbo of wanting someone you won’t let yourself have,” The older continued. “You’ll torture yourself with ‘what if’ and ‘no I can’t’ over and over again until you become obsessed with a reality you won’t pursue and you’ll lose everything you actually loved. I can’t see you do that to yourself, Jihoon. As your best friend, I don’t want to see that happening.”

He shook his head, still staring at the wall. He knew what he was doing to himself. He just didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to accept what he did.

“Jihoon, please.”

Silence.

“I… I don’t know what to say anymore, Jihoon.”

One tear slipped out, and then another, and then another until Jihoon was shaking with the force of his tears. Immediately, Joshua curled around him, throwing an arm over his waist and pulling him into Joshua’s embrace. The older stroked Jihoon’s stomach, whispering soothing words into Jihoon’s ear as he sobbed.

He was selfish, wasn’t he? He didn’t leave Jun because he was trying to keep Jun safe, he left him because he was afraid for himself. He didn’t move on from Jun because he still felt so much for him and he didn’t want to let go. He wasn’t being selfless, he was being selfish, and it was hurting so many people. He was hurting everyone he loved by dragging them in to deal with his mess when he didn’t want to clean it up himself.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon apologized the moment he caught his breath.

“What for?” The elder prompted.

“Being a burden.”

Joshua gasped and curled even more protectively over the younger. “Jihoon, don’t think like that. You aren’t a burden. Not to me, not to your parents, not to Soonyoung, not… not to Jun.”

“But I’m being selfish,” Jihoon’s entire being shook under the wave of his emotions. “I won’t choose what to do with Jun and it’s hurting everyone. I’m making everyone take care of me, how can I not be a burden?”

“You’re not a burden because you’re lost,” Joshua murmured in reply. “You went through a traumatic event and made some probably-poor decisions and now you’re lost on where to go next. You’ve backed yourself in a corner and you need a little help getting out. It’s not a bad thing to ask for help, Jihoon.”

“I know, but I didn’t do _anything,_ ” Jihoon muttered miserably. “You and Soonyoung were so willing to help, but I didn’t want to help myself.”

Joshua lets out a quiet laugh. “Denial’s a powerful thing,” he told the other. “We really couldn’t make you see anything you didn’t want to see. Now that you know, though, what are you going to do?”

“I… I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I think… I should try to move on, shouldn’t I? I was the one who left. Jun has no reason to take me back, even if he still has feelings for me.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

 _No, but it’s what I **should** do. It’s what I deserve, for being so selfish. _“Yes, it’s what I want.”

“Okay then,” Joshua answered simply. “Then I’ll help you however I can.”

“Thank you,” he breathed, suddenly feeling exhausted. He closed his eyes, letting his breath fan out in a long, drawn-out sigh.

He felt Joshua withdraw and heard the sound of rustling blankets before he felt the elder try to roll him over. “C’mon, get under the covers before you pass out. I don’t want you to freeze to death in the middle of the night.”

Jihoon groaned, but rolled over and let Joshua tuck him in.

“Aish, such a baby,” Joshua complained good naturedly before pulling the covers up to Jihoon’s chin. “Goodnight, Jihoon. I hope tomorrow’s better.”

Jihoon gave the other an apprehensive smile. “Goodnight.”


	3. we both need the same thing

Jihoon woke up feeling the worst he’s ever felt. He was plagued by his thoughts until late in the night, unable to escape until his body blissfully collapsed from exhaustion. Every part of his body ached, and he immediately wanted to fall back asleep in the hopes of getting some more rest, but then he remembered the music festival. He groaned miserably, slowly sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

Joshua, who clearly looked ready for the day, took one look at Jihoon’s haggard appearance and dropped his shoes on the floor, rushing to Jihoon’s side. “Hey, you don’t look so good,” he said softly, placing a hand on the younger’s forehead. “You’re not feverish, so at least there’s that. Do you have a headache?”

He nodded. “My everything hurts.”

“Well, we were just planning to let the kids enjoy the festival until call time. Why don’t you take a hot bath while I let the kids loose?” Joshua suggested, reaching for his shoes again.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Jihoon protested weakly. “Who knows what they’ll do?”

Joshua chuckled. “Your kids are more responsible than most of my kids. They’ll be fine. It’ll be like normal field trips, just with fewer people. We can have them check in every two hours by text, or I’ll arrange a meetup.”

He frowned. “I’m still not sure. Shouldn’t I at least go to the festival?”

“They’ll understand if I explain you’re feeling a little under the weather and want to get some rest before the festival,” Joshua shook his head.

“Fine,” Jihoon sighed. “But I want a response from everyone every hour.”

  
  
  


Despite his protests, Jihoon enjoyed his alone time. Joshua stepped out to explore the festival, sending Jihoon texts and photos every so often. Thankfully, his students complied with Jihoon’s--rather extreme, in hindsight--requests, even sending him selfies, which he really didn’t need, but he appreciated their attempts to placate him. He spent the morning relaxing, laying in his bed and messing around with his composition program.

After a few minutes of deliberating, Jihoon called Soonyoung, who responded almost immediately. “Jihoon-ah!”

Jihoon glanced at the time, frowning when he did the math. “I didn’t realize how late it was in Korea,” he said. “I’ll call you later, get some sleep.”

“Glad to know you care, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung grinned, “but I’m not planning on going to bed for at least an hour more. I have to clean up the choreography for my advanced dance class. What’s up?”

“Nothing, really,” Jihoon mumbled. “Just... realizing I never tried to move on from Jun, and figuring out how to.”

Soonyoung’s grin faded into something more serious. “I see. And have you figured out what you’re going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jihoon shrugged. “I just... I guess I’m just not ready right now.”

“Jihoon-ah, it’s been two years. Do you know why you don’t want to move on?”

“If I knew, don’t you think I would’ve come up with a way to get over it?” Jihoon snapped.

Soonyoung shook his head. “Jihoon, do you know what I think? I think you’re holding onto memories of Jun and using them to punish yourself for ever being with him in the first place.”

Jihoon flinched.

“I know you, Jihoon. You bear the weight of the world for those you care about, and you’ll place the blame on you the moment anything goes wrong. You’ll punish yourself for mistakes anyone would make, and you’re quick to judge everything you do as a mistake. It’s an unhealthy mentality, and that’s why Joshua and I interfere so much. We want to take care of you until you figure out how to take care of yourself. This... this is something we can’t ever help you with. I don’t know how this story will end, if you’ll go back to Jun or if you’ll move on, but whatever you choose, your first priority should not blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong, especially when it comes to Jun. You had three happy years with Jun. Don’t blame yourself for the last few weeks.”

“Is that what I’ve been doing?”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung said softly. “But you know now, so you can figure out a way to fix it.”

  
  
  


He had just ordered lunch when Joshua came back, looking pleasantly worn out. “Hey,” he greeted softly, “Feel any better?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon nodded. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Joshua grinned. “Besides, if you didn’t get better,  _ I’d  _ have to conduct, and that would be a disaster.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t be terrible. The kids just wouldn’t follow you. I ordered lunch. Pizza.”

“Awesome,” the older exclaimed, throwing himself on the bed. “I’m tired. I need some greasy food.”

Call time wasn’t long after lunch, so Jihoon put on his suit and headed to the lobby to wait for his students, who had all dutifully returned to the hotel to get ready. It was at times like these that Jihoon was grateful for his students. He really lucked out with them. He could’ve gotten a group of irresponsible troublemakers, instead of the hardworking brats he had.

“You ready?” Joshua asked.

He nodded. He’d worked hard for this. He wasn’t going to let outside influences keep him from showing the judges--and through them, the school--what he and his ragtag, eclectic ensemble could do.

  
  
  


That being said, he hadn’t expected for them to  _ win. _

He had hoped for it, but he knew that realistically, that outcome was unlikely. A lot of the schools he saw perform were larger and clearly had more funding. His ensemble was as good as those schools, but he knew that the funding and size would give them an edge over his students. It sucked that things that had little to do with musicality and performance could have a huge impact on the judging, but there was nothing he could do. It was why he entered the festival in the first place: at the very least, he wanted recognition of his ensemble’s talents.

Because of this, he hadn’t registered that they had gotten first in the high school ensemble category. In fact, he wouldn’t have been on stage to accept the award if Joshua hadn’t shoved him out of his seat. He was in so much disbelief that he didn’t remember accepting the award, nor returning to his seat. He didn’t remember taking the kids out to dinner and barely remembered offering to pay the entire bill.

When he finally wrapped his head around their win, they were outside, getting ready to head back to the hotel.

He asked Joshua to do a headcount--it was hard for him to do when they were all standing up--and was about to pull up directions back to their hotel on his phone when a familiar voice interrupted him.

“Jihoon?”

He was ready to scold the student who dared to use his first name when he realized that first, the voice came from the opposite direction of his students and second, the voice was painfully familiar.

Slowly Jihoon turned around to face the one person he never thought he’d see again.

“Jun.”

Behind him, the entire ensemble quieted, whether in awe of being in the presence of a celebrity or in confusion about Jihoon’s apparent connection with said celebrity, he didn’t know, too busy taking in his ex-boyfriend.

After two years, Jun looked both heart-wrenchingly similar and drastically different. He looked confident. He looked comfortable. He looked  _ better. _

_ Maybe leaving  _ **_was_ ** _ the best choice,  _ Jihoon thought miserably.

“I, uh, didn’t think I’d see you here,” Jun stammered hesitantly, eyes flickering from Jihoon to the students behind him and back. 

_ Here as in the United States in general, or here as in anywhere he is?  _ Jihoon wondered, struggling to keep calm.

“Is this where--”

“Me neither,” Jihoon cut him off sharply. “I thought you’d be busy filming or something.”

The taller shifted nervously on his feet. “I just finished a meeting about filming,” he explained. “I was just about to get dinner.”

When had Jun learned English? Obviously, he had to have been fluent in order to land the Hollywood movie, but he hadn’t thought about it until now. He sounded... nice, speaking English, in comparison to his attempts back when they were dating.  _ “English is so dangerous,” _ Jun had said once. Jihoon had thought he was being ridiculous. Now, though...

“Oh,” Jihoon said, trying to find an excuse to leave.  He didn’t know how much longer he could talk to Jun before he exploded. He wasn’t ready to face Jun. Not yet.

Thankfully, Joshua stepped in. “Jihoon-ah,” he interrupted in smooth, slightly accented Korean. “We should head back. We have to pack up and check out before the bus comes.”

“You’re--you’re right, hyung,” Jihoon stuttered, letting Joshua slide a hand around his back, hand rubbing the back of his neck comfortingly. “Bye, Jun-sshi.”

“B... Bye, Jihoon,” Jun answered quietly as Joshua led Jihoon back to his students, who silently surrounded him, shielding him from Jun’s eyes. As they walked back to their hotel, one of the students taking the lead, they began to loudly talk to each other about the festival, leaving the music teacher to get lost in his own thoughts.

He did, however, hear Vernon ask Seungkwan, “Hey, I thought you said you’ve always wanted Jun’s autograph.”

Seungkwan huffed, even as he heard Vernon grunt as someone--Chan, presumably--elbowed the sophomore in the stomach. “I  _ did,  _ but that was back then, before I met him. He’s not that impressive in person.”

Something in Jihoon’s chest ached.

Maybe getting over Jun would be harder than he’d originally thought.

  
  
  


In the aftermath of the music festival, Jihoon found himself under a mountain of stress. The school had been proud of Jihoon’s accomplishments and had dutifully allotted him a larger budget for next year. The expectations were higher, and Jihoon wanted to prove to the school that he was capable of handling the responsibility they’d given him.

No one mentioned Jun after the festival. Not even Seungkwan, who now followed Zhou Jieqiong, a famous Chinese actress who landed the role of Jun’s love interest in “No End to Your Road,” the name of which Seungkwan also now avoided.

It was honestly heartwarming to see Seungkwan’s loyalty to him, but that didn’t mean it hurt less. Seeing Jun again felt like taking two steps back and tripping over his own feet in the process. If Jun had shown up two, maybe three months later, Jihoon might have been able to keep his composure. As it was, though, Jun had come back much too early for Jihoon to handle. He needed time to get over Jun and let his feelings for him go.

Taking Soonyoung’s advice, Jihoon began writing down every good aspect of his relationship with Jun, from how they got together to their memorable dates to their anniversary celebrations. He wrote down what he loved about Jun and what he hated, and tucked the book--and his thoughts--away in his room.

Joshua no longer talked about him to Jihoon, clearly sensing that the younger needed space. He still was the caring hyung he needed, making sure he ate regular meals and got sleep, but he let Jihoon figure things out on his own.

To keep himself from thinking too much about Jun, he made himself busy. He worked hard day and night, composing music for both the school and his Soundcloud in his free time. He let his students ramble about everything under the sun, especially after the school’s spring concert, at which Jihoon received a lot of praises for the ensemble’s performance. He asked Soonyoung about his dance studio and even composed dance tracks exclusively for his dance class.

Everything came to a head one innocent, sunny, Saturday morning.

Jihoon had woken up at 11:33, so maybe it was less of a morning and more of an afternoon, but nevertheless, Jihoon had woken up in a good mood. The smell of food lured him out of bed and towards the kitchen, where Joshua was presumably making the source of that tantalizing smell, humming a song under his breath.

“Morning,” Jihoon grunted, heading for the coffee machine.

Joshua glanced at the clock before chuckling. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon said. “What’s for lunch?”

“Spaghetti,” the older replied. “We’re running low on groceries, by the way.”

Jihoon nodded, watching the coffee stream into his mug. “We can go after lunch. Did you get the mail?”

Joshua shook his head. “Do you mind?”

“Nah,” Jihoon said, heading for the door. 

The mailbox was decently full, though Jihoon knew most of it would be junk mail anyway. He shifted through them on the elevator ride up, sorting them easily.

One envelope made him pause. It was purple, written in neat, beautiful handwriting, and was addressed to  _ him.  _ It was apparently from a Jeonghan Yoon, who lived in the city where the music festival was held at. Jihoon couldn’t remember ever meeting a Jeonghan, let alone telling him his address. Who was this guy, and what did he want from him?

Jihoon was still trying to figure it out when he returned to the apartment, where Joshua was setting the table. “Something wrong?” he asked taking in the expression on his face.

“I got a letter,” Jihoon began, opening the letter, “from someone I don’t know.” He pulled out the letter inside and froze.

The writing on the letter was nothing like the one on the envelope. It was a messy, comfortable scrawl that was all too familiar to Jihoon.

_ Dear Jihoon, _

_ I’m not sure if you really want to hear from me, especially after what happened the last time we saw each other, but I think we need to talk. _

_ I’m currently in the city filming and will be for the next month or so. I was wondering if we could meet sometime, to talk. I would’ve emailed you, but I’m honestly not sure if you’d even want to hear from me anymore, and I figured sending you something you could tangibly burn or destroy would be more therapeutic than aggressively clicking delete. _

_ You can email your response to my email if you still have it. Or you can mail a letter back to the return address. It’s my manager’s, so he’ll give it to me if your name is in the return address. _

_ Love, _

_ Jun _

 

Jihoon trembled as he set the letter down.

“What’s wrong?” Joshua asked, reaching slowly for the letter, waiting for Jihoon’s consent.

Jihoon pushed the letter towards the older. “It’s from Jun. He wants to meet up.”

“Shit,” he cursed, reading the letter. “Jihoon, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jihoon whispered. “I don’t know if I’ll be ready to meet him before he leaves. But if I don’t...”

“You might never have a chance,” Joshua finished grimly.

“I can’t decide now,” he shook his head. “I need time to think about it.”

Joshua paused, glancing back at the letter. “Can I say something?” he asked.

“Shoot.”

“I think, more than anything, you two at least need closure,” Joshua said. “Whether or not you decide to move on, you still need to tell him why you left, and he needs to tell you why he never tried to look for you.”

Jihoon swallowed thickly, his throat tight. “Noted.”


	4. The day when your time and my time faces each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ignoring my schoolwork to do this, but that's okay. I'm doing well in all the classes _but_ the one that really counts, so... yeah. It's okay. I've missed writing. Hopefully I can get more writing done soon...

Jihoon couldn’t stop thinking about the letter all week. It was on his mind as he taught, he thought about it as he composed, and it bothered him even as he joked around with Joshua. What was it about Jun that made him so vulnerable? Why did he have so much power to disrupt his life?

He was lucky that the concert was over and his students were just working on their final papers in class, so he didn’t have to pretend to be okay for too long. His students, clearly sensing something off, didn’t disturb him, even going to the effort of staying as quiet as possible. He really had the best students, even if he’d never admit it to them.

He spent his days at school composing, trying to keep his mind occupied. He composed several different songs, only for him to realize that all of them were too personal, Hearing everything he was feeling vocalized made his heart _ache. _ He almost scrapped all of them but decided last minute to post them. Maybe someone out there would sympathize with him.

The comments were positive, with half of his followers asking if he was okay and the other half thanking him for creating something they could relate to. It made him feel slightly better, even though it reminded him of everything he’d been struggling with. 

“So...” Joshua began hesitantly one night at dinner, absentmindedly twirling his fork in his pasta, “have you decided?”

“On what?” Jihoon asked, pretending to not know. 

Judging by the expression on Joshua’s face, he hadn’t succeeded. “You know what.”

He sighed. “I don’t know. I feel like I should, but I’m terrified of what’ll happen if I tell him to come visit.”

“That’s natural,” the older nodded. “It’s scary, having to meet an ex after so long.”

“But if I don’t... I’m afraid I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering about the what ifs until I go insane,” Jihoon muttered, fiddling with his fingers, eyes locked vacantly on the table. “This might be my only opportunity to get answers, but I’m scared of taking the first step. It’s honestly just terrifying enough thinking about writing back.

“Do you want me to? I can write him a response for you. I don’t think he’d mind,” Joshua offered.

Jihoon was tempted to say yes. It would be so easy to let Joshua take care of everything for him, to spare him from as much pain as he could manage. If there was anyone he trusted to take care of him and make the right choices in his life, it would be Joshua. But he couldn’t let Joshua do everything for him. Joshua had already done more than enough for him, how could he let him do any more? How can he go through life depending on someone else to handle the rough parts of  _ his  _ life? No, he needed to deal with this alone. He needed to learn how to deal with this on his own terms. He’d never get closure if he didn’t.

“No, I got it,” he shook his head. “I’ll email him.”

After dinner, Jihoon stared at a blank email message. He didn’t know what to write. How should he address Jun? Does he make small talk in the beginning, or does he just go straight to it? Does he try to explain himself in the email, or does he wait to speak with him face to face? How does he sign off? Jun signed off with a  _ Love, Jun  _ but Jun’s more likely to do that than he is. If he signed off with a  _ Love, Jihoon,  _ would that imply that he wanted to get back together when Jihoon didn’t even know what he wanted?

In the end, Jihoon just writes bluntly but addresses everything he feels Jun deserves.

_ Hello Jun, _

_ I got your letter last week. It was surprising, to say the least, but I appreciate you reaching out. The school I work at lets out at the end of the month, but I really don’t have any obligations as a music teacher during exam week, so I can work with whatever time works for you. I understand as an actor, you have an inconstant schedule, so I’d rather work around your schedule than mine. I hope to see you soon. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Jihoon _

When Joshua saw the email, long after Jihoon had sent it, he’d sent the younger a bewildered look. “This is... really impersonal, Jihoon.”

“I know,” he sighed, slumped in his office chair. “I just didn’t know how else to phrase it.”

“And that’s okay,” Joshua amended quickly, patting his shoulder. “It’s just who you are. Jun will understand.”

_ Will he?  _

  
  


The days leading up to Jun’s arrival saw Jihoon in a completely frazzled and disoriented state. It felt like everything--Jun emailing back, plans being made, pizza being ordered for his students, the school starting exam week--had all happened at once, and Jihoon was completely overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to handle all of... this. The closer the day came, the less sure he felt of himself.

Joshua understood Jihoon’s dilemma, taking over cleaning the apartment for Jun’s impending arrival and cooking some of Jihoon’s favorite foods to help alleviate some of the stress. It worked, for the most part. It was reassuring to know that no matter what happened, Joshua would have his back. He would always have someone in his corner.

Soonyoung was happy when Jihoon told him the news. “That’s good! I’m glad you’re doing something about Jun.”

“It’s... terrifying,” Jihoon admitted. “I don’t know what to do or what to say when I see him.”

“I don’t blame you,” the older smiled knowingly. “No one knows what to do in these kinds of situations. It’s okay to not know what to do, but do you know what you  _ want  _ to come out of this? Like, an end goal?”

“I’m not sure,” he sighed. “I just... want closure on what happened three years ago so that I can move on. I’ll think I’ll go crazy otherwise.”

“That’s fair,” Soonyoung nodded. “But what about Jun? Do you want him in your life again, or do you want to end things for good?”

Jihoon swallowed thickly. “I... I think I want him back,” he admitted quietly, voice tight, “but I... I don’t think I  _ deserve  _ him back.”

“We don’t know that for sure,” the older reminded him gently. 

“Don’t we?” He retorted bitterly. “I  _ left  _ him, Soonyoung. I’m the reason he got into that car accident, and then I just left without telling him where I was going or even if I was breaking up with him. How can you say I deserve him after all that?”

“I’m not saying you do or you don’t,” Soonyoung shrugged. “From anyone else’s perspective, you probably don’t. But no one’s opinion matters more than Jun. Jun gets to decide whether or not you deserve him or not. He’s not a child, Jihoon-ah. He can make his own decisions.”

Jihoon let out a shaky exhale, really tempted to just bury his face in his arms and never come out again. “I know. I’m just afraid that he’ll make the wrong decision to take me back.”

  
  


“Jun’s coming tomorrow,” Jihoon said suddenly at dinner three days later, startling Joshua, his fork making a screeching sound on the plate. 

“...Yeah, he is,” Joshua managed to say. “Are you ready?”

He shrugged. “Not really, but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” he replied.

“That’s... good,” the older hummed, uncertain. “At least you’re going to face it.”

“Yeah,” Jihoon mumbled, slouching in his chair. “I’m just nervous.”

“I would be too,” Joshua assured him. “Don’t feel like you have to be ready to face life. Life doesn’t give us that option.”

It didn’t make him feel much better, but it  _ was _ a small comfort. He was so lucky he had Joshua and Soonyoung by his side. He couldn’t imagine what a wreck he would be without them. He was so,  _ so,  _ lucky. 

He couldn’t sleep that night, blearily staring at the ceiling as the stars moved outside his window. Jun was coming. Jun was  _ coming.  _ He was going to see him again after a month, but even that didn’t capture the scope. He was really going to see Jun again after two whole years. He was coming  _ back,  _ willingly on his way to talk to his ex (were they exes if they never technically broke up?) who had taken the first flight out of Korea to escape him. Jihoon couldn’t understand it. Would he be angry? Would he be upset? What did he want from him? What would happen tomorrow? How would Jun fit into his new life? Would Jihoon fit into Jun’s new life? Did he  _ want  _ Jun to fit in his life? Or did he want their lives to be so different that it justified Jihoon’s actions? So much could go wrong tomorrow. Jihoon couldn’t tell if he wanted the morning to come faster or slower.

Jihoon ended up having a restless night, anxiety plaguing his thoughts even as he slept. The dread that filled his stomach when he woke up almost made him physically sick, and he wondered if he would even make it to Jun’s arrival. His reflection looked tired and gaunt as if he was death warmed over. He certainly  _ felt  _ like death, that was for sure.

Joshua already had a mug of tea ready for Jihoon when he walked out into the living room. “I know you drink coffee, but I thought I’d give you something that will calm you down instead of freak you out even more.”

“Thanks,” Jihoon smiled gratefully, gripping the mug with both hands. 

“When is Jun coming?” The older asked gently. 

“I think he’s coming over at noon-ish,” Jihoon replied hesitantly. “He’s coming with his manager, and apparently his fans know what his manager looks like too, so they have to be a little careful.”

“I’m still meeting them outside and giving them the garage key, right?” Joshua asked. When Jihoon nodded, he continued, “okay, good. They won’t have to get out of the car, then.”

When Jun finally texted him an hour later, letting him know he was here, Jihoon almost felt his heart leap into his throat. “H-He’s here,” he croaked. Joshua gave him a sympathetic smile, patting his shoulder comfortingly before disappearing out the front door. 

Jihoon sat down on the couch, the mug of tea long gone cold still cradled in his hands, a phantom warmth keeping them warm. This was it. This was what he needed to move forward in life, no matter what happened after it.

He heard Joshua’s voice, louder than usual before he heard the door open. He smiled. Joshua, always looking out for him. “Well, I hope you don’t mind our apartment. It’s a little small, but we prefer it.”

“It’s very charming,” an unfamiliar voice, presumably Jun’s manager’s, complimented. “Feels like home.”

Jihoon finally turned away from his mug when he heard their footsteps get closer, standing up to face Jun and--

_ Damn.  _

Would there ever be enough time for Jihoon to get used to Jun’s beauty? Even now, when they’d planned this meeting, he still managed to take his breath away. His heart stuttered as if forgetting the impact Jun had always made on him. There was a glow around him, brighter than he remembered. Or maybe it was his memories that made it seem so dim before? He didn’t know anymore.

“Hey,” Jihoon managed, his voice quiet.

“Hey,” Jun whispered back, eyes locked on Jihoon’s.

For a few moments, no one said anything, the silence filling the room better than any sound could. No one knew what to do. No one knew how to proceed.

Finally, Joshua coughed, getting everyone’s attention. “Um, Jihoon, this is Jeonghan. He’s Jun’s manager.”

Shaking his head to clear his mind a bit (and get Jun off it temporarily) he extended a hand, managing to get out a “Nice to--” before the other bowed.

He blinked. It’d been too long since he’d done that. The last time he’d done that was... with Joshua when they met two years ago.

Noticing the outstretched hand and the now awkward silence, Jeonghan eagerly stepped forward. “I’m sorry, I forgot where we are. I swear I have to remind myself not to bow every time I walk into a room full of strangers.”

Letting out an anxious, nervous chuckle, Jihoon shook the other’s hand. “It’s okay, I understand. The States take some getting used to.” 

“You would think I would be used to it already, considering Jun and I have been here for two months already, but old habits die hard,” Jeonghan replied amiably. “It’s nice to be able to hang out with fellow Koreans, though.”

“I actually haven’t been to Korea,” Joshua interrupted easily. “I grew up here, but I’ve always wanted to learn more about my homeland.”

“Why don’t we go to the kitchen to talk about it?” Jeonghan replied smoothly. “Jihoon and Jun have a lot to talk about.”

“Sounds good,” Joshua agreed. He shot Jihoon a reassuring look, mouthing,  _ “Breathe, and be honest,”  _ before following the other out of the room.

Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, Jihoon turned back to face the one person who had the power to affect Jihoon’s life, even thousands of miles away.

“We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @thequietrecluse (I really don't post much, but let's be friends!)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it! If you have some time, let me know what you think of it! I always love getting feedback; it lets me know what I'm doing right as a writer (try saying that five times fast, haha) and what I can do better at!
> 
> twitter: @thequietrecluse


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